It's weird to be talking about quitting work in just a week. Having the normal schedule of work, relax, repeat was simple. And in just over a week, that will be gone. I'll have to retrain my mind. It's not just a long vacation. It's another kind of work that I need to throw myself into wholeheartedly.

........."This jarring right-hand turn brought to you by Randomness, the Spice of Life! ©"...........

Finality. It's one of the things I hate about life. The ending of things. Changes to a life that won't ever be the same. Leaving a safe and solid existence for the unknown. That's one reason I don't like funerals. But that's another topic completely. Finality is the kind of thing that has me thrashing around in my mind looking for a way out while looking emotionless on the outside. Part of me wants things to stay the same. I like the safety of being close to home, being near my parents, being near my friends, having familiar surroundings close by. But weekly I'm reminded that the only constant in the universe, besides God, is change. People I love and respect grow older every minute. The country I was born in daily changes to something less and less recognizable.

I realized recently that this job is finally coming to an end. The thing that made it real for me was that my landlord hugged me. He never did that before. We were talking a little bit yesterday after work and he said he almost cried after I told him I was leaving. The old saying is "you don't know what you have 'til it's gone" and it's so true. I'll never really know how I impacted the lives of people here until we talk for the last time. They might let something personal slip into the conversation; like the crying thing. Those are the things I'll never get to see. I have a vague idea of what I mean to the people I interact with. And now I'm leaving for another country where connections to home are limited. To sever those connections with such finality is tough. I know I want to come back and see how things have changed in a year's time. I want to come back and visit, to see people here again. Does that mean this was home? Or rather, a home? Was my heart really here for part of the last six years? I don't know. I always told people Maryland is nice but it's not home. Was I wrong? It seems that people here (not a lot, but some) loved me enough that they will do more than miss me when I'm gone.

Over the last six years, I've been slowly learning these two things. Change is growth and constancy is stagnation. If I stay where I am now, I'll grow old and never have a real life. If I step out of my comfort zone, I can gain something unimaginable or unexpected. It's also a choice I can make. As a creature of God, I have free will to some extent. I can choose what I will do in my life. At this time in my life, I'm choosing a terrifying and exciting option. Stepping outside my comfort zone. It's exciting because of the opportunities it presents. Travel, meeting people, personal growth, sharing my Hope with people. But the terror is very real too. Safety, failure, and drawing attention to myself are things I will face daily over the next six or more months. Actually, I'll face that the rest of my life. I don't like stepping into the limelight. I don't want to fail. And I certainly don't want to throw myself into a dangerous situation without assurances of safety or, at the very least, survival.

As a counterpoint, I know I have the love, support and prayers of friends and family. I know they will help me in any way they can to succeed. And I know that ultimately, it's not people I have to please; it's God.