"A time to keep silence, and a time to speak."

     The beginning of this post was written about a month and a half ago. Keeping that in mind, I'll finish what I wrote here and add a little to show how far I've come in the time here and what I'm learning.
     Apparently I've been doing something all wrong. I'm supposed to be outgoing, pointedly inquisitive, and unafraid of being too personal. At least, that's what I should be like to make the next six months a success. Sort of. (editorial note; I had been watching a lot of Top Gear and the last paragraph, in my head, sounded like it was narrated by Jeremy Clarkson)
     Most people who've known me for any period of time will know that I only speak when I want to. Usually that's when I have something I feel is of great enough importance to add. (Hereon out is new material) For the last decade or so, I've tried to live by the mantra, "Better to be thought a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt." That's lead to a silent streak beaten only by a monk with a vow of silence.  I've never been eloquent or quick with a rebuttal except at the helm of a keyboard. Snappy comebacks, yeah, I can do that. But that's a sense of humor more than anything else.
     The last two months, and yes it has been that long, have been a eye-opening experience. I was informed in the middle of August that I need to be outgoing, talkative, inquisitive, and friendly. In the past, I've been all of those things. But it was rarely all at the same time and never for an extended period. Being here has forced a metamorphosis toward that end.
     In my myopic view of what I thought I would be doing, my interactions with people here would be limited to church and English clubs. I quickly found out that wasn't going to be true. As an American, I have a pseudo celebrity status here. Among certain people, that's gone away. However, with English club, Walking English along with other activities, it still persists. As such, I need to not be the standard Hollywood trope of the withdrawn celebrity. As a side-note, I don't even think of myself as a celebrity. It's not something I've ever aspired to. All I've ever wanted to be was good at supporting roles.
     Now I find myself at the head of classes, a Bible study and even the sometimes center of attention. It's a very weird feeling to have people paying a lot of attention to me. I understand that I need to not only reciprocate but initiate that attention. So along with all the other things I've learned to do, I need to learn the art of the extrovert.
     I could probably write a big book on the concept of being an introvert in a strange land. A whole chapter would be devoted to just stepping outside my door. It would probably end with being driven outside by starvation. Be assured that such a conclusion would also be fictional. But that's not why I'm here.
     Personality has a huge impact on how successful a missionary is. It's probably why I'm still hearing stories about Kristen Lucas (now Clemmer) years after she left. She and I have very different personalities. The main difference is the introvert/extrovert dichotomy. I remember back in my youth group days (wow, saying that makes me feel old) that she was a huge influence on how much fun it was to be there. Her public personality, with a smile or laugh not far away, ensured fun during even the slow moments. What I need to learn and ultimately express is a similar kind of outgoing personality.
     Stretch your minds back to the early days of this blog. I said in the forth post (that only four people have read) that constancy is stagnation. Yeah, I'm not going to always be the outgoing type. Being that guy 24 hours a day, 7 days a week is the quickest way to a nervous breakdown. But sitting in a corner and not talking to anyone isn't going to win any friends either.
     That leads to a question. If I've been here two months already, how have I changed? Self, thanks for asking that. I'm sure the lovely people reading this want to know too. I'm actually surprised at myself. The first night of Bible study went mostly well. I could see almost immediately where I need to improve. It was later pointed out to me also that I need to talk more. I thought I did but I know there were people even in a small group of thirteen that I missed saying more than 3 sentences to. I still struggle with initiating conversations. Small talk has never been my specialty. As host, it's my responsibility to do just that. For the people I did talk with, those conversations went well I think. I still bumble and fumble for the right words sometimes and I doubt that's going to change.
     But the real change I believe started happening almost a year ago. The missions team asked that I lead a Sunday school to gain experience. It was a great suggestion. Being a teacher for a week at English camp would never have prepared me for what I'm doing now. Teaching Sunday school gave me the confidence to lead even when I wasn't confident about what to say. Not everything that needs to be said has to come out of my head. I have an excellent study guide to teach from. Plus I have the best book of all to point them back to when I can't think of the right words to say.
     However, the best part of all this experience so far though is that I constantly see where I can improve. Ukrainians aren't shy either about giving compliments or constructive criticism either. Nothing can break your confidence or build it up faster than the directness of a Ukrainian. American's have to understand, Ukrainians are honest and direct. They act as if beating around the bush would get them jailed for chlorophyll abuse.
     So how does all that wrap up into a neat, little nugget of informative goodness? It's this. I'm being daily stretched, shaped, molded, prodded, formed and cajoled into a shape that I never thought I would be. And it's not some svelte or Arnold Schwarzenegger physique either. I still enjoy "me time." I still spend the majority of my time on my own or in my own head. But the time I do spend with others needs to be in an extrovert's shoes.

(Pictured above for reference: an introvert's shoes. Can you guess which one's they are?)

That time spent with others should be about them. Not about the photons beaming into my eyeballs from my smartphone or the intricate details of the dirt under my fingernails. This whole trip is predicated upon the idea that I'm here to spread the Gospel. I'm here to be light in the darkness. I'm here to share the Hope that I have with everyone who doesn't have it. I won't be able to do that if I don't make the first steps of breaking through my own warm, cozy, little world and go out and talk to someone.


     BONUS ROUND: I heard this back when I went to LeTourneau University. I make no claims to the levels of funny contained herewithin.
Q. What's the difference between an introverted engineer and an extroverted engineer?
A. Introverted engineers stare at their own shoes while extroverted engineers stare at other people's shoes.



     As a side and totally unrelated note, I wish I could write fiction as often and verbose as I write posts in this blog. I might be able to get all the stories in my head out for public consumption.