Brian and Ukraine : Peace of Mind

I'm still here. But it's finally come down to the last day. Friday the 24th will be our final day in the Oleksandriya English camp. We've taught eight sessions so far, one morning and one afternoon each day. Each session has been a challenge with it's own particular obstacles and difficulties. However I'm ready to think about and do something else for a while.

     The idea I wanted to write about today was having satisfaction or peace of mind that what I'm doing is having an impact. I wrote back at the beginning of the week that I had very little confidence in my ability to effectively teach and lead. However, today I received a bit of good news that I wasn't expecting.
     Throughout the camp, I've questioned whether anything I've said has gotten through the noise and chaos. It's been a long, uphill slog. At every turn, Anna (my teaching partner) and I seem to be fighting distractions, breaking up arguments, and steering the collective rudderless ship that is children back on course.
     There are two things I needed to keep in mind this week that I seem to have forgotten until today. First, we aren't the ones changing lives. God does that. We are merely planting seeds. We speak and exemplify through actions so that seeds may find root in young souls. Seeds fall on all types of ground, be it fallow or fertile, rocky or ready, thorny or thriving. We can't know what kind of soil lies within each of their hearts. We don't choose who will respond. The best we can do is share so that God can then cultivate and grow that seed in whom He chooses.

     Second, even when I feel ineffective, there is something that breaks through the fray to stick in the children's minds. That bit of good news I mentioned relates to one of our problem children from the morning group. This boy has been alternately at odds and in cahoots with various children through the past four days. He's a boy. What do you expect? It got to the point where we separated him out from the group and set him in a chair in front of me while I taught the Bible lesson. Later, at lunch today, the pastor who organized the camp asked him what he learned in the Bible lesson. This boy proceeded to rattle off all of my main points from the lesson. It was relayed to me through translation. But it impressed the pastor who was doing the translation.
     I was surprised to say the least. It's things like that which make me feel some satisfaction in what I'm doing. Yeah, it's still not easy. It's frustratingly difficult at the easiest of moments. There have been more than a few moments this week where I've wondered what the use was of all this. I wondered what good could or would come of this camp. But then I see moments like that and I feel less frustrated and more confident.
     One thing I've discovered in the years since graduating college is that I like to have positive reinforcement about the job I'm doing. Be it aircraft maintenance or teaching, it helps me feel satisfaction or peace of mind when someone says I have done a good job. Sasha, the pastor here, sat in on the morning Bible lesson today. He told me this evening that he learned a few things from me. Specifically about teaching. I was left wondering what I, a layman, would be able to teach a seminary student about teaching. I guess eleven months of on-the-job training aren't anything to ignore.
     In the grand scheme of things, it helps that not all the children are monsters. There are many (mainly girls) who love learning and hang on every word Anna or I say. They volunteer for every task. They ask questions. They're always ready with an answer. In short, they make teaching easy.
   I still don't like working with kids though. I prefer working with college age people or older. By that age, they have chosen to learn English and they want to be there. However, when a child laughs at my jokes or asks me for a picture with them, I feel like there really is an impact. And a positive one at that.
     So I'll keep on truckin'. It's only one more day. I can do it. God has supported me thus far. I'm sure He'll give me the strength to complete one more day.