Back In Time

     I wish I could go back in time and tell myself about everything that would happen before I left Ukraine. I might have been more diligent about studying Russian or more focused on taking every opportunity to help. I'm writing this in between final cleaning and packing on Wednesday. I doubt I'll get much time later to do it.

     Last night (Tuesday the 30th), I was up at the McLane's helping with Maya's English group again. While I was sitting there, a thought kept returning to my head. "I want to leave. I don't want to leave." That's been a common refrain in my head for the past month. You'll see more about it in Thursday's post. I'll go into more detail then. 

     This point is related to my point from yesterday about the harvest. Sitting in that English group, I realized there is so much more to the ministry in Kiev than Big City or Liberty English clubs. If I would have known when I arrived about all the things to do, I probably would have been overwhelmed. But I'd also have been less bored on the slow days. In a way it feels like I'm abandoning my post. Like I'm leaving in the middle of the battle. I suppose that's not an uncommon feeling among missionaries. Even Jesus said that the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. I just hope that someone will come along to take my place soon.

     Packing up and doing the final cleaning is probably the first real sign in my mind that this act of leaving is really happening. I know I visited my last worship services on Sunday but it didn't really feel like the end until the prayer with the elders. But putting all my things into two bags, doing the last load of dishes, sweeping the floor one last time feels like the end. It's a familiar, yet unwanted, feeling. It's not as strong as when I left Maryland last year. I attribute that to having deeper, stronger roots here. This life felt more permanent than it did in Maryland. And that's probably the biggest contributing factor to "I want to leave. I don't want to leave." It also wouldn't hurt to go back in time to when I didn't have to pack up yet.

     So that's where I'm at now. In a few hours I'll meet with my landlord to give her the apartment key and permanently vacate the premises. I'll be staying at the Eide's house tonight. There's a goodbye party at the office for me tonight. Hopefully I'll be ale to keep my composure and not be a bawling mess. Tomorrow, my flight leaves at 11AM (a little less than 24 hours from now). I'll get into JFK in New York at around 2:20PM local time. Then I'll be back at Covenant OPC on Sunday. 

     OK, it's time for me to get back to cleaning. I'll see you soon.