Missing You

The founders of Kiev.

     One year. Without dwelling on it, it doesn't feel like it's been that long. But once I start to think of all the things I've seen and done, I realize that it really has been that long. I know for some other people (parents and friends) it might feel like longer. Well, they only have to wait a bit longer. Less in the case of my mom who'll arrive here next Saturday. For me, in a month and one week, I'll be departing for the land of my birth. With that in mind, I've prepared this post to remember all the little things I've missed since I've been gone.

The Opera House.

     For the first few months that I was here, I tried not to think too much about the things at home. It was easy at first because my new home had so many interesting things to occupy my mind. Namely things like fear of going outside for the possibility of looking like an idiot or a foreigner or both. Then as the months went on, I purposely didn't think a lot about things at home because I needed to focus on things here. I wanted to make sure I wasn't being distracted and letting other concerns damage my effectiveness.
     However, in recently, I've been looking more and more to home (where my heart is). For the past few months, I've struggled internally with a question. Is it OK to want to go home? When things would get hard, I'd ask myself this over and over. When I mess up at the grocery store. When kids don't listen to me in class. When I'm tired of taking the metro or marshrutka. When the days drag into weeks with no relief in sight.
     I have to keep telling myself that, yes, it's OK to want to go home. It's where you feel most comfortable. But it can't be the only thing you think about. Otherwise distractions will take over and you'll never be able to focus on the things that matter.
     So in thinking about my year here, I've compiled a list of the things I miss from home. This won't be an exhaustive list. That could go on for a very long time. Longer than the attention spans of most of my readers (and me as well). I also won't go into detail on everything. Most of them should be self-explanatory. But for the culturally-relevant items, I'll explain those. So, in no particular order, here are the things I miss from home.

Good tomato/pasta sauce
     I'll never understand the Ukrainian fascination with ketchup. They'll put it on almost anything including fresh cut veggies and bread. But I think that fascination has spilled over into fanaticism. So much so that tomato sauce for pasta has the consistency and flavor of ketchup. In my experience, there is a texture to tomato sauce. It should be somewhere between finely chopped tomatoes and lightly ground tomatoes. Throw in a good helping of onions, peppers, seasonings, and even corn (my grannie's specialty) and that's what makes a good sauce.

Smoking laws:
     Culturally, smoking is much more prevalent in Ukraine and Europe than it is in American. While I was growing up, anti-smoking advertisements were everywhere. The "it looks just as dumb when you do it" campaign was one of my favorites. Commercials for nicotine gum and patches are still on tv and radio. Here, not so much.
     I've never liked smoking. I've never tried it and never want to. While I hate the smell of it, strangely I think it will be one of the things I miss. There's an intangible, indescribable element to it that makes smoking a part of Ukrainian culture that I will miss. I think it's the outdoors smell of fresh dill, cigarette smoke and city that makes this feel like Ukraine. Without it, I'd think there is something wrong.

The Ferris Wheel in Victory Park.

     It felt that way over winter. The city and dill smells were gone and all we had was the smoke. Smokers standing at the bus stop waiting for the marshrutka would take one last desperate puff and (seemingly) hold it before boarding. Then you'd have to suffer through the smell until he mercifully got off or you did.
     I wouldn't say half of the people smoke, but it's a larger percentage of the population than in the US. It's also not unusual for pastors and elders to smoke. After meetings or worship services, there is usually a mass migration (of four or five people) outdoors to find the smokers' corner. So I think I'll miss it both ways. The anti-smoking laws of the US as well as the laissez faire feeling here.
Driving:
     This isn't so much cultural as simply a fact of living in a city. I miss my car. I miss driving around back country roads with the windows open, carving around the corners, heel-toe shifting to match the engine revs. But most of all, I miss shifting gears on my own. For the past year, I've been stuck riding public transport or getting rides in other people's cars. The closest I've gotten to driving in sitting in the front passenger seat.
Shooting my rifle:

Airsoft on the Kiev Sea.

     I'm an American boy. (duh) Hence, I like to go target shooting occasionally. About two years ago, I built a rifle. It was a good exercise in mechanical know-how and Constitutionally-affirmed rights. Now that I'm on the other side of the Atlantic, that option isn't available to me any more. The most recent use of a rifle-like object was a finicky airsoft gun during the Big City Church retreat last August. Almost a year ago. I was able to cut a cigarette in half at about five yards. But since then, I've been itching to get a chance to go shooting, for real, again.
Shopping without salesmen:
     Just once, I'd like to go into a fancy store without having a salesman come up to me and ask if I need help. There's a chain of technology stores here called Foxtrot. For my American readers, think of it like Best-Buy or Circuit City. Phones, computers, appliances, TV's, etc. I went there last year to help a friend pick out a set of headphones. But the whole time we were there, we were being watched. It was extremely distracting to have a salesman hovering over our shoulders waiting to see if we needed help. Sometimes I just like to browse and read packaging on the things I'm contemplating buying. It's tough to do that when you have an audience.

These next few are just the short list of self-evident, missable things.

• The States
• Family and friends  
• My dad's workshop
• Mission BBQ - need I say more?
• Bojangles - need I say more?
• Good burgers
• My home-made sound system

     So, that's my list. It's far from exhaustive. These are just the first few that come to mind. Yes, there is a lot to miss in a year. However, in a little over a month, I'll again be able to enjoy those things and more. I'm not sure what order it'll be in. Food and family will probably be at the top of the to-do list. Until then, though, I'll just have to reminisce and dream about it. Soon...

Quick programming note. I'm still adding to the list of musical references in the "Music of Brian and Ukraine" page. If you are a fan of the same music as me, you'll like that list. Also, I'm continually adding to the "What I've Seen" photo gallery. After a year, there is a big collection in both of those pages. Also, after that year I'm nearing 7500 views on the blog. By worldwide standards, that's probably not a lot. But it's a whole lot more than I was expecting when I started this blog. I know that a lot of them probably aren't readers but it's interesting to see what corners of the world my writings are reaching.

Fun Fact: the above picture of me and the "AK-47" was taken at the Kiev Sea. It's the same place where Big City's X-Way summer English camp will be held next week.